10 Tips for Finding True Love and Happiness

In their new book Love for Grown-ups: The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life, the Garter Brides (Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, Tish Rabe and Patricia Ryan Lampl), a sisterhood of girlfriends who wore the same garter at their weddings, offers lots of tips for women over 40, including how to meet and marry the man of your dreams, and how to have the life you want and the happiness you deserve! Here are their top ten tips:
1. Leave the past in the past
When you meet someone new, leave any negative feelings or past heartbreaks just where they should be in the past.

2. You won’t meet someone new in your living room
Well, maybe a cute guy will deliver your new sofa, but chances are you’re going to meet someone by getting out there and trying new things—online dating, taking a class, etc. Tell everyone, especially your married friends, that you’re looking to meet someone and ALWAYS go to parties. Because you truly never know who you’ll meet.

3. Give the guy a chance
When you were 20 your list was “he must be tall, dark and handsome.” Try going against type. It just might be a perfect fit.

4. Look at blind dates like a first date
Two of the authors of our book met their husbands on blind dates, and you can too! If you’re not sure you want to sit in a noisy restaurant, go out and do something fun. One of our Garter Brides went to a baseball game, and she and her date each brought a friend. They had a blast and got married one year later.

5. Time is on your side
Take your time in getting to know your guy and don’t feel in a rush to meet his children or have him meet yours. It starts with the two of you. Make sure this is someone you want in your life.

6. Isn’t it romantic?
Just because you’re meeting the love of your life later in life doesn’t mean you can’t still have passionate, amazing sex! The Garter Brides say “Go for it!”

7. Someone to come home to
When you’re ready to move in together you will discover how wonderful it is to come home to the one you love. Be prepared for some give and take—for example, over which of each others’ belongings stay or go.

8. What’s up with a pre-nup?
Remember that a pre-nup isn’t because you think your marriage isn’t going to work—it’s so you get to decide how your assets and everything you’ve worked for can be protected.

9. Your wedding, your way
Now you’re in love and it’s time to have your wedding exactly how you want it. The Garter Brides have had all kinds of weddings! Remember it is all about you and the man of your dreams. Whatever you want is the way to go.

10. Happily ever after can happen to you
Remember what the Garter Brides always say: “It’s never too late to find true love. We did, and you can too!’

Read More

Why Falling In Love Is SO DAMN HARD For Strong Women

It's tough.
Too often, people confuse "strong women" with "man haters who would rather grow old with a bunch of cats than get married."
While it's true that many independent ladies find more happiness within themselves as opposed to in a relationship, it doesn't mean we don't want to find love.  
I consider myself somewhat of a strong woman (internally, externally I can only lift about seven pounds), and I've been in some rewarding, fulfilling relationships. But they all abruptly end after I get this overwhelming sense of needing to get back in touch with myself. 




I don't have all the answers, but what I think it boils down to is conflicting feelings of wanting to find love, but not wanting to compromise my values. 
While I can't speak for all my independent sistas, my personal experience has been slightly depressing. I get excited when I find a guy who I'm not only attracted to, but also have some level of respect for based on the few things I've seen (holding the door open for people, chasing his dreams, calling his mom, etc).
Then I make the mistake of confusing those few moments of glory for their entire personality.
I get attached to the person I thought they were and am disappointed when I learn that it's only a small piece they used to lure me in. 
The guy who just last week was pouring his heart out about how much he loves meeting new people is now refusing to talk to strangers at a party.


I get that people are people and no one is perfect all the time, but if you're not up for being an equal partner to a strong woman then why are you trying to be???
Falling in love is scary in general. But it's uniquely terrifying for a woman who understands how serious it really is to invest time in someone. 
We're grown. We're past the point of "dating for fun" (seriously what's fun about dating people you don't really like??).
We don't want to take the time to get to know someone romantically if they're not ready to live up to the same standards we do.
The real fear isn't ending up alone; it's ending up with the wrong person.

Read More

7 Ways To TRULY Love An Aquarius Man

Aquarius men are quirky by nature. They are weird, funny, adventurous and they love to have sex. But Aquarius men are terrified of commitment, so if you've scored an Aquarius man (and are in a relationship with one), you're one patient person.
They are easily bored. It takes a lot to hold their attention, and that applies to every area of their life including romantic relationships. Here are seven ways to love that wonderfully idiosyncratic Aquarius.
1. Take him on an adventure.
Aquarius men are easily bored. They have the attention span of a fruit fly. So make sure you keep him entertained. Plan a trip to the cat cafe where cats wander around while you eat. Take him hiking and pet some llamas. Whatever you do, make sure it's different and off the beaten path because Aquarius men don't do traditional.
2. Surprise him.
Aquarius men love to be surprised. This could be as simple as you making his favorite soup for dinner, or planning a trip to a casino. As long as he has no idea about it, he loves it. This goes for the bedroom, too. An Aquarius gets easily bored in the bedroom just as he does in every day life, so make sure you spice it up when you're getting it on.
3. Have a lot of sex with him.
These Aquarius men are insatiable. They could have sex five times a day and go for a sixth. Don't be afraid to pull your man out of a party because you can't wait to have him. He won't miss the small talk when you let him know why you're going home early.
4. Be a daredevil in the bedroom.
If you're with an Aquarius man, he loves to please you. He's happy when you orgasm, but he also wants you to take the lead. He loves when you dominate him and tell him what to do. He's a fan of foreplay and any kind of dirty talk that you're up for. He will roll with whatever you want to do. Just make sure you don't do the same thing twice ... unless he requests an encore.
5. Remember: he's incredibly sensitive!
As laid back as Aquarius men are, they are also pretty damn sensitive. Often, their emotional outbursts come out of seemingly nowhere. But when he's upset make sure you pay attention. He wants you to listen and hear why he's hurting. Also, a little make up sex won't hurt.
6. Be 100% real and upfront.
Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Aquarius men respect people with an opinion, even if it differs from his. He will respect you more if you're honest about who you are and what you feel. If you hate veggie burgers and he's a vegetarian, don't pretend to like them. He wants to love you for who you are.
7. Be weird, fun and make him laugh.
Aquarius men respect a partner with a sense of humor the most. They love to laugh, especially at weird sh*t. So be weird, be funny and don't be afraid to be yourself — because he loves you for you.

Read More

The 6 BIGGEST Differences Between Needing A Man And WANTING A Man

KNOW the difference — it's important.

There was a period of time — say, up until I turned 25 — that when I thought about love, I felt anxious. At that time, I had already had a few significant relationships, but nothing that felt how I was always promised I would feel.

Falling in love felt like this absolute, intangible experience that was meant for a select few, but not something I had been blessed enough to find or experience. I felt desperate to find someone — anyone! — that would prove to me that all men were different. They were cowards. They were unavailable. They weren't just there for the good times, but could be partners during the bad

But after so many dates, so many disappointments and more soul-searching than I'd ever do during my quarter-life crisis, I decided to take the attention away from this so-called visionary creature I was impatiently waiting to meet, and put the focus on myself.

tumblr

And the last few years, I've been figuring out how much more powerful it is to want a person, instead of needing a person. There's a strength that comes in relying on yourself, no matter what does or doesn't happen, that can really turn your perspective on dating around.

I'm in a happy (dare I say, easy!) relationship now, and I don't need him. But I definitely want him. Here's what it means to prioritize desire over necessity:

1. Needing a man means feeling desperate. / Wanting a man means feeling empowered.

If the thought of being a relationship seems so far-fetched that you claw at any opportunity to be in front of single men or spend hours upon hours aimlessly swiping, co. Instead, focus your day-to-day life on what makes you happy.

Exercise? Cooking? Traveling? Whatever it is, join organizations and clubs that support that, thus empowering yourself to be satisfied, regardless of your Facebook status.

2. Needing a man means you need a confidence boost. / Wanting a man is knowing you're worthy.

To be fair, we all need to be told we're awesome every once in awhile. It's human nature to want to feel lusted after, especially with someone you're romantically into. But if you need a man to constantly reassure you that you're beautiful, that he loves you, that you're amazing, then you're missing a big void in your life.

Before you ever get into a relationship, it's important to know your self-worth, your value and the unique things you bring to the table in a couplehood. By already defining who you are (and what you're made of), you won't need to be reminded daily of it. Instead, when you get a compliment (or three), it'll just be an extra nod to what you already know to be true.

tumblr

3. Needing a man means saying "I can't live without you." / Wanting a man means saying "I can live without you, but I choose not to."

I don't know which romantic comedy actually said it (maybe all of them), but when you're saying "I love you" to someone, you're really saying "I choose you." You're saying that out of all of the possible suitors, the men you've dated, the ones you've slept with — you're picking this person to share your life with (or at least a portion of it).

Choice is way more powerful than feeling like you can't make it through a day without a guy in your life. Wouldn't you want to feel handpicked instead of handcuffed?

4. Needing a man means you want to feel completed. / Wanting a man means letting someone love all the good and bad.

You've heard it all before: "You complete me," "You're my better half" and "A soulmate is your soul finding its way home." Excuse us while we say, C'mon, really? Instead of looking for another person to fill the parts of you that feel incomplete, why not invite someone to love all of those parts of you?

No matter who you're with or what stage of life you're in, you're always going to have things that are missing. As you have children, your social life might take a hit. As you move up in your career, you might not be able to grab drinks as often as you once did. When you start traveling more often, you might make efforts to save more money.

Life ebbs and flows, so why not have someone who rides the waves with you, instead of depending on someone to fish you out of the water?

tumblr

5. Needing a man means trying to say the right things. / Wanting a man means saying what you really think.

One of the things my dad loves the most about my mom is that he never knows what she's thinking. It's kept him interested for 30 years, and it's something I hope for in my marriage.

If you can't say what you really think and are always concerned about saying the exact right thing to keep someone interested in you, then you lose out on someone loving you for who you are. And who you are is pretty fantastic, so why downplay it?

6. Needing a man means you're not ready for a relationship. / Wanting a man means you are.

Hate to break it to you, but as long as you feel like you need a man in your life to be happy, you're not ready for a relationship. The moment you know you would be just fine — and thriving! — without one, is when you know your healthiest love is on his way.

Read More

How To Make Love To A Man So He'll NEVER Forget You

There's a difference between making love and having sex.

You may be nervous at the thought of learning how to have amazing, passionate sex with a man, but you shouldn't be. In this guide, I'm going to show you exactly how to make love to a man in a way that is super easy and takes all the pressure off you. More importantly, you will learn how to truly enjoy this mind-blowing, emotional sex, too.

1. Be comfortable with him first! It is the only way you'll feel safe enough to let go.

By far the most important thing that you need to take care of before you start is making sure that you are totally comfortable with what's about to happen. If you have never had sex before, then you will understandably be nervous and hopefully a little excited.

However, if you aren't excited about making love or if you even have the smallest, niggling doubt, then hold off on sex with your man completely. You should never, ever feel pressured into getting intimate. While you may hope that he can just "read the signs" you need to also verbally express how you feel.
So before you attempt to make love to a man, make sure that you've found one that actually cares about you and respects you. I know this part is not exactly the most exciting, but the other important aspect of being comfortable is being safe.
Whatever you do, do not take any risks whatsoever. So for most people, this also means making sure that your man wears a condom.

2. Understand that it's not just sex — it's a connection on a deeper level.
There is an absolutely massive difference between learning how to make love to a man and just "knockin' boots".
Making love is about getting closer to your man and connecting with him, both physically and mentally. But just hooking up with a guy for the sake of it is completely different. Hooking up is more about lust and just getting off.
When you are making love with someone, you can go fast or slow, but you will always be paying attention to them. In many ways making love to a guy is a way to show him just how much you care about him. While it's obviously a bonus if you get off, you are going to be just as focused with making sure that he gets off too.
So if you really want to learn how to make love to a guy and connect with him, don't think so much about getting off as quickly as possible. Think more along the lines of slow, passionate grinding, caressing and embracing. But making love is not just about intercourse. There are a lot of other "loving" things that you can do to your man like massaging him, kissing him and even going down on him.

3. Skin-to-skin contact is crucial for intimacy.
Like I just said, learning how to make love to your man is about connecting with him. Ideally you want to connect with him on as many levels as possible — emotionally, physically and even spiritually. The best, simplest way to connect with him in all these ways is to make as much body contact with him as possible.
This is why positions like missionary, the coital alignment technique and spooning are perfect as both of your bodies are in almost full contact with each other.
But just lying on top of each other or beside each other is merely the tip of the iceberg when having sex. You can hold your man's hands and interlock fingers, or you can both physically embrace by putting your arms around each other and hugging each other.

4. Kissing intensifies your bond.
Another very important technique to use when figuring out how to make love to a man is kissing. I'm not talking about regular kissing techniques like a peck on the cheek, or using your tongue like a washing machine — I'm talking about kissing your man with passion.
So kiss your man with both intensity and tenderness. Slowly and gently suck on his lips with yours. Hold his head with your hands while you kiss him. Grab his hair. Bury your head in his neck as you kiss him. Kiss him in a way that shows him how you truly care about him.

4. Kissing intensifies your bond.
Another very important technique to use when figuring out how to make love to a man is kissing. I'm not talking about regular kissing techniques like a peck on the cheek, or using your tongue like a washing machine — I'm talking about kissing your man with passion.
So kiss your man with both intensity and tenderness. Slowly and gently suck on his lips with yours. Hold his head with your hands while you kiss him. Grab his hair. Bury your head in his neck as you kiss him. Kiss him in a way that shows him how you truly care about him.

Read More

Simple Self-Love: The Top 10 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself Starting Today

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”

Henry James

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson

Being kind to yourself in everyday life is in in my experience one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Life will become lighter and your relationships will most likely improve.

You will feel happier overall. And your self-esteem and your sense of deserving good things in life will go up. It’s one of my absolute favorite topics and one that I have created a whole program around in The Self-Esteem Course.
But it also one thing that is often neglected or something some may feel guilty about doing.
To make a positive change with that simply start a new habit today. One of kindness and love towards yourself. You can find 10 of my favorites among such habits in this article.

1. Invest in yourself.
Spend 15-30 minutes in the morning or evening with reading, listening to or watching material that uplifts you, that helps you to understand yourself and the world or that helps you to live a better life.
Then, if possible, take one small action on what you have learned.

2. Find the truth and exception when an inner critic or outer critic attacks.
Your own inner critic may not always say nice things about you. People around you may attack you or try to bring you down to serve one of their own needs.
If you or someone else does this, ask yourself this question:
What is the exception to this though?
This is very effective to change your train of thoughts, to find the truth and to not get down on yourself.
For example, if you or someone says that you are not doing a good job in school then you can ask the question and find answers that tell you that isn’t really true. If you question the attack and look for the exception you may for instance see that you are actually doing a good job in most of your courses, but may be a bit unfocused and lazy in math and geography.
That is a more nuanced truth that helps you rather than just brings you down.

3. Unstress tonight.
Take a long bath and read something to escape. Or work out. Or talk to someone about something that is on your mind and let it all out.
Set aside 30 minutes or more and be kind to your body and mind by letting the tensions and stress out.

4. Take just 2 minutes in the morning or evening to appreciate yourself.
Create a kinder and more balanced self-image by making it a quick and daily habit to appreciate yourself.
Here’s what you do:
Sit down with a journal on your smart phone, computer or in paper form. Ask yourself:
What are 3 things I can appreciate about myself?
It could be that you are a good listener or are doing well with your hobby right now. Or that you have a love for animals, people or music.
It doesn’t have to be big things either. Maybe just that you flossed or brushed your teeth this morning. The important thing is to appreciate yourself both for the little things and the things you may take for granted and not just for reaching a big milestone once in while.

5. Mediocre day? Take one small step forward towards something positive.
If your day feels mediocre or just sort of depressing then take one small step towards something positive to breathe new hope and optimism into your day and week.

• Book or research a trip you want to take.
• Setup a dinner or a cup of coffee with a good friend.
• Look into how you can grow in your career to get new and exciting stuff to do.
• Try a new hobby.

6. Be kinder towards others.
The way you think about and treat others is often the way you think about and treat yourself. So choose to be kinder towards others to, over time, become kinder and more understanding towards yourself too.
For example:

• Let someone into your lane while driving.
• Encourage a friend or a family member when they are uncertain or unmotivated.
• Just be there and listen as you let someone vent.

7. If you stumble, be your own best friend.
Don’t beat yourself up, that will erode your self-esteem. Be a kind and supportive friend to yourself instead.
Ask yourself: How would my friend/parent support me and help me in this situation?
And then do things and talk to yourself like he or she would.
And remember to ask yourself what you can learn from your stumble and if there is an opportunity in this situation. Then take that new knowledge you gain and move forward once again.

8. Take a laugh-break.
Take 5-10 minutes in the middle of your day or if that is not possible then use your morning or evening. Use your smart phone, portable media player, computer or TV and watch a funny clip or a half an episode of a sitcom, read a funny book or comic or listen to a podcast you know makes you laugh.
I have been using this one for over a decade, even before I got seriously interested in personal development. I find it to be one of the most effective things I can do to recharge my energy and optimism and to release inner tensions.

9. Remember, the future is still in your hands. And it is never too late to change. 
Don’t get stuck in thought loops that just go round and round about what you could have done or what went wrong.
Think about what you really want in the rest of your life instead.

• Better health?
• A great relationship?
• New challenges in your career?

Now, what are a few small steps you can take towards that goal?
Take one of those steps today. Then another tomorrow.

10. Simply remind yourself of why is smart to be kind to yourself.
By knowing the reasons why it is smart to be kinder to yourself it, in my experience, becomes easier and easier to be kind to yourself and to take the time for it every day.
By reminding yourself of benefits such as better real life results, more perseverance, higher self-esteem, more inner happiness and stillness, more positive relationships with yourself and other people it becomes easier to stay kind to yourself through life’s natural ups and downs.

Read More

16 Simple Ways to Love Yourself Again

1. Start telling yourself what you love about yourself. – In your own life it’s important to know how spectacular you are.  You really have to look in the mirror and be kind.  Because what we see in the
   mirror is often what we see in the world.  Our disappointment in others often reflects our disappointment in ourselves.  Our acceptance of others often reflects our acceptance of ourselves.  Our ability to see potential in others often reflects our ability to see potential in ourselves.  Our patience with others often reflects our patience with ourselves.  You get the idea – you’ve got to show yourself some love first and foremost.
2.  Be one with what is. – Something that’s really difficult, but totally worth it, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the journey of becoming your true self.  The most beautiful part of this journey is simply returning to the peaceful feeling of being.  This peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.
3. Focus less on winning the approval of others. – Remind yourself that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.  And you don’t have to get permission to do it differently either.  Your time on this planet is precious.  As the saying goes, “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.”  Don’t wait around for someone else to give you permission to live.
4. Distance yourself from those who bring you down. – Being in no relationship is better than being in a wrong one.  Don’t worry too much about folks who don’t worry about you.  Know your worth!  When you give yourself to those who disrespect you, you lose.  Your friends in life should motivate, inspire and respect you.  Your circle should be well rounded and supportive.  Keep it tight.  Quality over quantity, always.
5. Forgive your past self. – When you confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with the light of your forgiveness, your willingness to wrestle with your demons in this way will cause your angels to sing.  It’s just a matter of accepting that sometimes good people like you make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean you’re bad; it means you’re human.  Get bored with your past; it’s over.  Forgive yourself for what you think you did or didn’t do, and focus on what you will do starting now.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
6. Start making the changes you know you need to make. – Just because something made you happy in the past doesn’t mean you have to keep it forever.  If you want to see changes in your life today, you’ll have to do things that you’ve never done before.  Different input = different output.  Move away from the things that drain you and move toward the thoughts and activities that empower and fulfill you.
7. Embrace the mistakes you haven’t even made yet. – To be successful in the long run, you must fail sometimes.  So don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision prevent you from making any decision at all.
8. Show gratitude for who you are and what you have right now. – No, you won’t always get what you want.  And no, you won’t always be exactly where you want to be.  But remember this: There are lots of people who will never have what you have right now.  So use pain, frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you.  You are in control of the way you look at life.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Happiness” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
9. Do something every day that makes you happy. – There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion.  Life is too short.  Invest in the activities you deeply care about.  A good life is about making a good decision every day to do something that moves you – caring for yourself by doing things you care about.  It’s a matter of realizing that there’s nothing selfish about self-care.  Because we can’t give what we don’t have.  You have to experience life on your terms before you can be life-giving to others.
10. Give yourself a fair chance to explore new ideas and opportunities. – Don’t let not knowing how it’ll end keep you from beginning.  When we act, uncertainty chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits.
11. Listen to your intuition and be honest with yourself about everything. – We cannot speak with integrity about a lifestyle we are not living.  We don’t need more dazzling storytellers; we need more genuine ones.  Listen to that inner voice.  Confidence comes from knowing that what you’re doing is right, and that what you’re doing is right for YOU.
12. Believe in your abilities. – All things are possible!  The key is to identify what you want, claim it as part of who you are, and believe that you are worthy to have it.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)
13. Focus on writing your story, instead of reading, watching and hearing about everyone else’s. – And when you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, remember that people often only show their highlight reel – especially online – not their reality.
14. Pay close attention to your life as you’re living it. – One of the greatest presents you can give yourself (and your loved ones), is to be present, every chance you get.  Your life is not between the moments of your birth and death; your life is between now and your next breath.  Distractions are in the palms of our hands these days, but we need to remember to look up more often.  So much is lost when we don’t.
15. Loosen up and be a little less serious about it all. – All self-misery has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in taking life too seriously.  If you take everything too seriously, especially yourself, you’ll wind up fearing every new step you take.  Loosen up and laugh it off when you can – especially when things don’t go as planned.  People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.  You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself and your circumstances.
16. Go out of your way to be loving and kind to others too. – Almost everything comes full circle.  People who love themselves come across as very caring, generous and kind to others too; they express their self-confidence through humility, forgiveness and inclusiveness.  So seek to understand others before you attempt to judge.  And be thankful for rude, difficult people too – they serve as great reminders of how not to be.

Read More